I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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