He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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