he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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