Someone shit on the floor
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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