No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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