Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
