If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
