Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
