You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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