i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
