Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
It's just like the Real World with babies
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
My vagina just clenched in fear
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
