I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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