Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
