I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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