grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
