this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize