i need an iv and a liver transplant
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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