We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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