rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
