It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
