plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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