woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
