Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize