You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Randomize
