he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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