He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
whose parrot is this?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
