Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
