Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
