well I can't set my house on fire every night
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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