my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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