Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I FOUND THE LEGS
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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