i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
there is glitter all over my balls
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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