i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
