i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
