oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
