No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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