We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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