can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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