We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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