we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
