Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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