i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
