Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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