The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
