dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
