my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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