Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
