It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Randomize
