the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
