Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
