Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
