I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
