But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
