there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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