He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
