best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
