I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
