is your mom at the bar?
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
