If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
