Where is the hickey?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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