i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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