I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
