If that was your dad, he is hot
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
