yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
