Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
