You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Randomize
