We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize