We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
