Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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