ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize