fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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