True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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