yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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