i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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