We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
