what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
