Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
