I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
