Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
