Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
