He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
