who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
