operation harelip BJ is a go
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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